Chapter 4: Verbal Elements of Communication

Have you ever said something that someone else misinterpreted as something else? Some of the most common problems in interpersonal communication stem from the use of language. For instance, two students, Kelly and James, are texting each other. Kelly texts James about meeting for dinner, and James texts “K” instead of “okay.” Kelly is worried because she thinks James is mad. She wonders why he texted “K” instead of “k,” “ok,” “yes” or “okay.” James was in a hurry, and he just texted in caps because he was excited to see Kelly.

This example gives us an understanding of how language can influence how our perceptions. Kelly and James had two different perceptions of the same event. One person was worried, and the other person was excited. Chapter 4 examines verbal communication because we know that words are powerful. The words that we use can impact how other people perceive us and how to perceive others.

Language is a system of human communication using a particular form of spoken or written words or other symbols. Language consists of the use of words in a structured way. Language helps us understand others’ wants, needs, and desires. Language can help create connections, but it can also pull us apart. Language is so vital to communication. Imagine if you never learned a language; how would you be able to function? Without language, how could you develop meaningful connections with others? Language allows us to express ourselves and obtain our goals.

Language is the most important element in human communication. Language is made up of words, which are arbitrary symbols. In this chapter, we will learn about how words work, the functions of language, and how to improve verbal communication.

4.1 How Words Work

One person might call a shopping cart a buggy, and another person might call it a cart. There are several ways to say you would like a beverage, such as, “liquid refresher,” “soda,” “Coke,” “pop,” “refreshment,” or “drink.” A pacifier for a baby is sometimes called a “paci,” “binkie,” “sookie,” or “mute button.” Linguist Robin Tolmach Lakoff asks, “How can something that is physically just puffs of air, a mere stand-in for reality, have the power to change us and our world?”¹ This example illustrates that meanings are in people, and words don’t necessarily represent what they mean.

Words and Meaning

Words can have different rules to help us understand the meaning. There are three rules: semantic, syntactic, and pragmatic.²

Semantic Rules

First, semantic rules are the dictionary definition of the word. However, the meaning can change based on the context in which it is used. For instance, the word fly by itself does not mean anything. It makes more sense if we put the word into a context by saying things like, “There is a fly on the wall;” “I will fly to Dallas tomorrow;” “That girl is so fly;” or “The fly on your pants is open!” We would not be able to communicate with others if we did not have semantic rules.

A cute example of this is about a third-grade teacher who asked about a period. One male student in her class went on and on about how girls have monthly periods, but he did not realize that the teacher meant the use of periods for punctuation at the end of a sentence. Hence, semantic rules need to be understood to avoid embarrassment or misunderstandings.

Syntactic Rules

Second, syntactic rules govern how we help guide the words we use. Syntactic rules can refer to the use of grammar, structure, and punctuation to help effectively convey our ideas. For instance, we can say “Where are you” as opposed to “where you are,” which can convey a different meaning and have different perceptions. The same thing can happen when you don’t place a comma in the right place. The comma can make a big difference in how people understand a message.

A great example of how syntactic rules is the Star Wars character, Yoda, who often speaks with different rules. He has said, “Named must be your fear before banish it you can” and “Happens to every guy sometimes this does.” This example illustrates that syntactic rules can vary based on culture or background.

Another example is Figure 4.1. In this case, we learn the importance that a comma can make in written in language. In the first instance, “Let’s eat grandma!” is quite different than the second one, “Let’s eat, grandma!” The first implies cannibalism and the second a family dinner. As the image says, punctuation saves lives.

Pragmatic Rules

Third, pragmatic rules help us interpret messages by analyzing the interaction completely. We need to consider the words used, how they are stated, our relationship with the speaker, and the objectives of our communication. For instance, the words “I want to see you now” would mean different things if the speaker was your boss versus your lover. One could be a positive connotation, and another might be a negative one. The same holds true for humor. If we know that the other person understands and appreciates sarcasm, we might be more likely to engage in that behavior and perceive it differently from someone who takes every word literally.

Most pragmatic rules are based on culture and experience. For instance, the term “Netflix and chill” often means that two people will hook up. Imagine someone from a different country who did not know what this meant; they would be shocked if they thought they were going to watch Netflix with the other person and just relax. Another example would be “Want to have a drink?”, which usually infers an alcoholic beverage. Another way of saying this might be to say, “Would you like something to drink?” The second sentence does not imply that the drink has to contain alcohol.

It is common for people to text in capital letters when they are angry or excited. You would interpret the text differently if the text was not in capital letters. For instance, “I love you” might be perceived differently from “I LOVE YOU!!!” Thus, when communicating with others, you should also realize that pragmatic rules can impact the message.

Words Create Reality

Language helps to create reality. Often, humans will label their experiences. For instance, the word “success” has different interpretations depending on your perceptions. Success to you might be a certain type of car or a certain amount of income. However, for someone else, success might be the freedom to do what they love or to travel to exotic places. Success might mean something different based on your background or your culture.

Another example might be the word “intimacy.” Intimacy to one person might be something similar to love, but to another person, it might be the psychological connection that you feel to another person. Words can impact a person’s reality of what they believe and feel.

If a child complains that they don’t feel loved, but the parents/guardians argue that they continuously show affection by giving hugs and doing fun shared activities, who would you believe? The child might say that they never heard their parents/guardians say the word love, and hence, they don’t feel love. So, when we argue that words can create a person’s reality, that is what we mean. Specific words can make a difference in how a person will receive the message. That is why certain rhetoricians and politicians will spend hours looking for the right word to capture the true essence of a message. A personal trainer might be careful to use the word “overweight” as opposed to “fat,” because it just sounds drastically different. At Disney world, they call their employees “cast members” rather than workers, because it gives a perception that each person has a part in helping to run the show. Even on a resume, you might select words that set you apart from the other applicants. For instance, if you were a cook, you might say “culinary artist.” It gives the impression that you weren’t just cooking food, you were making masterpieces with food. Words matter, and how they are used will make a difference.

Words Reflect Attitudes

When we first fall in love with someone, we will use positive adjectives to describe that person. However, if you have fallen out of love with that person, you might use negative or neutral words to describe that same person. Words can reflect attitudes. Some people can label one experience as pleasant and another person can have the opposite experience. This difference is because words reflect our attitudes about things. If a person has positive emotions towards another, they might say that that person is funny, mature, and thrifty. However, if the person has negative feelings or attitudes towards that same person, they might describe them has childish, old, and cheap. These words can give a connotation about how the person perceives them.

Level of Abstraction

When we think of language, it can be pretty abstract. For example, when we say something is “interesting,” it can be positive or negative. That is what we mean when we say that language is abstract. Language can be very specific. You can tell someone specific things to help them better understand what you are trying to say by using specific and concrete examples. For instance, if you say, “You are a jerk!”, the person who receives that message might get pretty angry and wonder why you said that statement. To be clear, it might be better to say something like, “When you slammed that door in my face this morning, it really upset me, and I didn’t think that behavior was appropriate.” The second statement is more descriptive.

In 1941, linguist S.I. Hayakawa created what is called the abstraction ladder (Figure 4.2).³ The abstraction ladder starts abstract at the top, while the bottom rung and is very concrete. In Figure 4.2, we’ve shown how you can go from abstract ideas (e.g., information) through various levels of more concrete ideas down to the most concrete idea (e.g., interpersonal communication). Ideally, you can see that as we move down the ladder, the topic becomes more fine-tuned and concrete.

In our daily lives, we tend to use high levels of abstraction all the time. For instance, growing up, your parents/guardians probably helped you with homework, cleaning, cooking, and transporting you from one event to another. Yet, we don’t typically say thank you to everything; we might make a general comment, such as a thank you rather than saying, “Thank you so much for helping me with my math homework and helping me figure out how to solve for the volume of spheres.” It takes too long to say that, so people tend to be abstract. However, abstraction can cause problems if you don’t provide enough description.

Metamessages

Metacommunication is known as communication about communication.⁴ Yet, metamessages are relationship messages that are sent among people who they communicate. These messages can be verbal, nonverbal, direct, or indirect. For instance, if you see two friends just talking about what they did last weekend, they are also sending metamessages as they talk. Metamessages can convey affection, appreciation, disgust, ridicule, scorn, or contempt. Every time you send messages to others, notice the metamessages that they might be sending you. Do they seem upset or annoyed with certain things that you say? In this book, we want to stress the importance of mindfulness when speaking. You may not realize what metamessages you are sending out to others.

Words and Meanings

Words can have denotative meanings or connotative meanings. In this section, we will learn about the differences and the triangle of meaning.⁵ Researchers by the names of Ogden and Richards noticed that misunderstandings occur when people associate different meanings with the same message. Their model (Figure 4.4) illustrates that there is an indirect association between a word and the actual referent or thing it represents.

As you can see, when you hear the word “dog,” it conjures up meaning for different people. The word “dog” itself is a symbol and signifier, or sound elements or other linguistic symbols that represents an underlying concept or meaning. When we hear the word “dog,” it is what we call the “signified,” or the meaning or idea expressed when someone hears the word. In this case, maybe you have a dog, and you really see that dog as your best friend, or, as in my case, you call him your little “cuddle monster” because he always wants to be connected to you at all times. Again, our meaning that we attach to the symbol is still separate from the physical entity itself. In this case, there is a real dog named Teddy, who is the referent, or the physical thing that a word or phrase denotes or stands for.

Words can have a denotative meaning, which is the dictionary definition. These are words that most people are familiar with, and they all can agree on the understanding of that word. If you asked a person what a car or a phone is, they would most likely know what you are talking about when you use those words.

Words can have a connotative meaning, which is a subjective definition of the word. The word might mean something different from what you meant. For example, you may hear someone referring to their baby. You could fairly safely assume that the person is referring to their infant, but just as easily they could be referring to a significant other.

4.2 Functions of Language

Based on research examining how children learn language, it was found that children are trying to create “meaning potential.”⁶ In other words, children learn language so they can understand and be understood by others. As children age, language serves different functions.

Instrumental and Regulatory Functions

Children will typically communicate in a fashion that lets parents/guardians know what they want to do. When children are born, parents/guardians have to figure out if the child is hungry, thirsty, dirty, or sick. Later, when the child acquires language, the child can let the parent/guardian know what they want by using simple words like “eat” or “drink.”

Instrumental functions use language to fulfill a need. In Chapter 2, we learned about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. For us to meet our needs, we need to use language that other people understand.

Language can help us define what we can or cannot do. Often, you might see campaigns that say “Don’t drink and drive” or “Don’t text and drive” to help control behaviors while driving.

Regulatory functions of language are to influence the behaviors of others through requests, rules, or persuasion. These functions do not necessarily coincide with our needs. These might be advertisements that tell us to eat healthier or exercise more using specific products.

Interactional and Imaginative Functions

Interactional functions of language are used to help maintain or develop the relationship. Interactional functions also help to alleviate the interaction. Examples might include “Thank you,” “Please,” or “I care about you.”

Imaginative functions of language help to create imaginary constructs and tell stories. This use of fantasy usually occurs in play or leisure activities. People who roleplay in video games will sometimes engage in imaginative functions to help their character be more effective and persuasive.

Personal Functions

Next, we have personal functions, or the use of language to help you form your identity or sense of self. In job interviews, people are asked, “how do you describe yourself?” For some people, this is a challenging question because it showcases what makes you who you are. The words you pick, as opposed to others, can help define who you are.

Perhaps someone told you that you were funny. You never realized that you were funny until that person told you. Because they used the word “funny” as opposed to “silly” or “crazy,” it caused you to have perceptions about yourself. This example illustrates how words serve as a personal function for us. Personal functions of language are used to express identity, feelings, and options.

Heuristic and Representational Functions

The heuristic function of language is used to learn, discover, and explore. The heuristic function could include asking several questions during a lecture or adding commentary to a child’s behavior. Another example might be “What is that tractor doing?” or “why is the cat sleeping?”

The representational function of language is used to request or relay information. These statements are straightforward. They do not seek for an explanation. For instance, “my cat is asleep” or “the kitchen light isn’t working.”

Cultural Functions

We know a lot about a culture based on the language that the members of the group speak.⁷ Some words exist in other languages, but we do not have them in English. For instance, in China, there are five different words for shame, but in the English language, we only have one word for shame. Anthropologist Franz Boas studied the Inuit people of Baffin Island, Canada, in the late 1800s and noted that they had many different words for “snow.” In fact, it’s become a myth over the years that the Inuit have 50 different words for snow. In reality, as Laura Kelly points out, there are a number of Inuit languages, so this myth is problematic because it attempts to generalize to all of them.⁸ Instead, the Eskimo-Aleut language tends to have long, complicated words that describe ideas; whereas, in English, we’d have a sentence to say the same thing. As such, the Eskimo-Aleut language probably has 100s of different words that can describe snow.

Analyzing the Hopi Native American language, Edward Sapir and Benjamin Lee Whorf discovered that there is not a difference between nouns and verbs.⁹ To the Hopi people, their language showcases how their world and perceptions of the world are always in constant flux. The Hopi believe that everything is evolving and changing. Their conceptualization of the world is that there is continuous time. As Whorf wrote, “After a long and careful analysis the Hopi language is seen to contain no words, grammatical forms, construction or expressions that refer directly to what we call ‘time’, or to past, present or future.”¹⁰

A very popular theory that helps us understand how culture and language coexist is the Sapir-Worf hypothesis.¹¹ Edward Sapir and Benjamin Lee Whorf created this hypothesis to help us understand cultural differences in language use. The theory suggests that language impacts perceptions by showing a culture’s worldview. The hypothesis is also seen as linguistic determinism, which is the perspective that language influences our thoughts.

Sometimes, language has special rooted characteristics or linguistic relativity. Language can express not only our thoughts but our feelings as well. Language does not only represent things, but also how we feel about things. For instance, in the United States, most houses will have backyards. In Japan, due to limited space, most houses do not have backyards, and thus, it is not represented in their language. To the Japanese, they do not understand the concept of a backyard, and they don’t have a word for a backyard. All in all, language helps to describe our world and how we understand our world.

4.3 The Impact of Language

By now, you can see that language influences how we make sense of the world. In this section, we will understand some of the ways that language can impact our perceptions and possibly our behavior. To be effective communicators, we need to realize the different ways that language can be significant and instrumental.

Naming and Identity

New parents/guardians typically spend a great deal of time trying to pick just the right name for their newborn. We know that names can impact other people’s perceptions.¹² Our names impact how we feel and how we behave. For instance, if you heard that someone was named Stacy, you might think that person was female, nice, and friendly, and you would be surprised if that person turned out to be male, mean, and aggressive.

People with unusual names tend to have more emotional distress than those with common names.¹³ Names impact our identity because others will typically have negative perceptions of unusual names or unique spellings of names. Names can change over time and can gain acceptance. For instance, the name Madison was not even considered a female first name until the movie “Splash” in the 1980s.¹⁴

Some names are very distinctive, which also makes them memorable and recognizable. Think about musical artists or celebrities with unique names. It helps you remember them, and it helps you distinguish that person from others.

Some of the names encompass some cultural or ethnic identity. In the popular book, Freakonomics, the authors showed a relationship between names and socioeconomic status.¹⁵ They discover that a popular name usually starts with high socioeconomic families, and then it becomes popular with lower socioeconomic families. Hence, it is very conceivable to determine the socioeconomic status of people you associate with based on their birth date and name. Figure 4.5 shows some of the more popular baby names for girls and boys, along with names that are non-binary.

Affiliation

When we want others to associate with us or have an affiliation with us, we might change the way we speak and the words we use. All of those things can impact how other people relate to us. Researchers found that when potential romantic partners employed the same word choices regarding pronouns and prepositions, then interest also increased. At the same time, couples that used similar word choices when texting each other significantly increased their relationship duration.¹⁶ This study implies that we often inadvertently mimic other people’s use of language when we focus on what they say.

If you have been in a romantic relationship for a long period, you might create special expressions or jargon for the other person, and that specialized vocabulary can create greater closeness and understanding. The same line of thinking occurs for groups in a gang or persons in the military. When we converge or adapt to the other person’s communication style, then we can also impact perceptions of affiliation. Research has shown that people who have similar speech also have more positive feelings for each other.¹⁷ However, speech can also work in the opposite direction when we diverge, or when we communicate in a very different fashion. For instance, a group from another culture might speak the same dialect, even though they can speak English, in order to create distance and privacy from others.

Sexism and Racism

Before discussing the concepts of sexism and racism, we must understand the term “bias.” A Bias is an inclination, tendency, or particular perspective for how you see one thing, person, or group compared with another.  The brain works hard to sort through the information received through the body’s senses. To help facilitate all the information it is taking in, it creates filters and frameworks to help sort through everything it is perceiving. These structures are meant to help you process information more quickly. Think of it like a pair of glasses you wear. It’s meant to help, but also can be limiting. How you see the world isn’t necessarily the same as the person next to you. In addition, these mind filters can structure information in ways that aren’t always accurate or equitable. That’s a bias.

When bias occurs outside of the perceiver’s awareness, it is classified as a hidden or implicit bias. The formation of a prejudice, or discerning attitude, can also occur. This leads to making overgeneralizations. Stereotypes often form out of these overgeneralizations and may intentionally or unintentionally involve an unfair attitude concerning a person’s race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, age, ability, class, geographic location, or other cultural identifiers. We’ll explore more on the issue of biased language later in this chapter. Let’s look at one category in particular, sexism.

Sexism or bias against others based on their sex can come across in one’s language. Sexist language can be defined as “words, phrases, and expressions that unnecessarily differentiate between females and males or exclude, trivialize, or diminish either sex.”¹⁸ Language can impact how we feel about ourselves and others. For instance, there is a magazine called Working Mother, but there is not one called “Working Father.” Even though the reality is that many men who work also have families and are fathers, there are no words that tend to distinguish them from other working men. Whereas, women are distinguished when they both work and are mothers compared to other women who solely work and also compared to women who are solely mothers and/or wives.

Think about how language has changed over the years. We used to have occupations that were highly male-dominated in the workplace and had words to describe them. For instance, policemen, firemen, and chairmen are now police officers, firefighters, and chairpersons. The same can also be said for some female-dominated occupations. For instance, stewardess, secretary, and waitress have been changed to include males and are often called flight attendants, office assistants, and servers. Thus, to eliminate sexism, we need to be cautious of the word choices we use when talking with others. Sexist language will impact perceptions, and people might be swayed about a person’s capability based on the word choices.

Similarly, racism is the bias people have towards others of a different race. Racist language conveys that a racial group is superior or better than another race. Some words in English have racial connotations. Aaron Smith-McLallen, Blair T. Johnson, John Dovidio, and Adam Pearson wrote:

In the United States and many other cultures, the color white often carries more positive connotations than the color black… Terms such as “Black Monday,” “Black Plague”, “black cats” and the “black market” all have negative connotations, and literature, television, and movies have traditionally portrayed heroes in white and villains in black. The empirical work of John E. Williams and others throughout the 1960s demonstrated that these positive and negative associations with the colors black and white, independent of any explicit connection to race, were evident among Black and White children as young as 3 years old … as well as adults.¹⁹

It is important to note that many words do not imply any type of sexual or racial connotations. However, some people might use it to make judgments or expectations of others. For example, when describing a bad learning experience, the student might say “Black professor” or “female student” as opposed to just saying the student and professor argued. These descriptors can be problematic and sometimes not even necessary in the conversation. When using those types of words, it can create slight factors of sexism/racism.

Muted Group Theory

Muted group theory was initially developed to explain the way humans, specifically men and women, communicate.²⁰ The theory claims that since communication is human created, that it also reflects the human structures within which the communication was created, including power-differentials.  Similar to standpoint theory, muted group theory argues that the dominant members of society, typically men, have more structures to create the language and system of communication that intentionally or not, subverts or reduces other groups, specifically women. It is mentioned here as the theory stemmed from gender studies, however, muted group theory can be applied to any number of cultural categories where there is a power differential: sex, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, ability, class, etc.

Figure 4.6 represents the basic conceptualization of muted group theory. The blue circle represents the dominant group, and the solid arrow points to their perception of reality. Meanwhile, the pink circle represents the muted group, and the dashed line represents their perception of reality. Often what happens in society is that the dominant group’s perception of reality is just seen as reality. As such, the muted group’s perception of reality is seen as less than or more fanciful than the dominant group’s perception. In reality, the muted group often sees things that really do exist in a society that the dominant group either cannot see or chooses not to see based on its position in society as the dominant group.

Generally speaking, the dominant group has been identified in western culture as male and the muted group as female which most likely explains why the authors chose to use the gender stereotyped colors of blue and pink in the figure below. It is also important to note that this is a generalized viewpoint and that not every member of the dominant group or of the muted group sees reality in exactly the same manner. However, even with the acknowledgment that individuals fall on a spectrum of beliefs and behaviors about the topic at hand, collectively, the dominant group’s reality often becomes the “standard” to which others are compared.

4.4 Types of Language

If you read or watch different types of programming, you will probably notice that there is a difference in language use based on the environment, who you are talking to, and the reason for communicating. In this section, we will discuss the different types of language. The types of language used will impact how others view you and if they will view you positively or negatively.

Formal vs. Informal Language

You probably know by now that how we communicate in different contexts can vary greatly. For example, how you compose a text to your best friend is going to use different grammatical structures and words than when you compose an email to your professor. One of the main reasons for this difference is because of formal and informal language. Table 4.1 provides a general overview of the major differences between formal and informal language.

Formal Language	Informal Language
Used in carefully edited communication.	Used in impromptu, conversational communication.
Used in academic or official content.	Used in everyday communication.
The sentence structure is long and complicated.	The sentence structure is short, choppy, and improvised.
The emphasis is on grammatical correctness.	The emphasis is on easily understood messages using everyday phrases.
Uses the passive voice.	Uses the active voice.
Often communicated from a detached, third person perspective.	Perspective is less of a problem (1st, 2nd or 3rd).
Speakers/writers avoid the use of contractions.	Speakers/writers can actively include contractions.
Avoid the inclusion of emotionally laden ideas and words.	It allows for the inclusion of emotions and empathy.
Language should be objective.	Language can be subjective.
Language should avoid the use of colloquialisms.	It’s perfectly appropriate to use colloquialisms.
Only use an acronym after it has clearly been spelled out once.	People use acronyms without always clearly spelling out what it means.
All sentences should be complete (clear subjects and verbs).	Sentences may be incomplete (lacking a clear subject and/or verb).
The use of pronouns should be avoided.	The use of personal pronouns is common.
Avoids artistic languages as much as possible.	Includes a range of artistic language choices (e.g., alliteration, anaphora, hyperbole, onomatopoeia, etc.).
Arguments are supported by facts and documented research.	Arguments are supported by personal beliefs and opinions.
Language is gender neutral.	Language includes gender references.
Avoids the imperative voice.	Uses the imperative voice.

Table 4.1 Formal vs. Informal Language

Formal Language

When applying for a job, you will most likely use formal language in your cover letter and resume. Formal language is official and academic language. You want to appear intelligent and capable, so formal language helps you accomplish those goals. Formal language often occurs when we write. Formal language uses full sentences and is grammatically correct. Formal language is more objective and more complex. Most legal agreements are written in formal language.

Informal Language

Informal language is common, everyday language, which might include slang words. It is continuous and casual. We use informal language when we talk to other people. It is more simple. Informal language tends to use more contractions and abbreviations. If you look at your text messages, you will probably see several examples of informal language.

Jargon

Jargon is the specialized or technical language of a specific group or profession that may not be understood by outsiders.²¹ If you are really into cars or computers, you probably know a lot about the different parts and functions. Jargon is normally used in a specific context and may or may not be understood outside that context. Jargon consists of a specific vocabulary that uses words that only certain people understand. The business world is full of jargon. Joanna Cutrara created a list of 14 commonly heard jargon phrases used in the business world:²²

• Low Hanging Fruit
• Leverage
• Open the Kimono
• Giving 110%
• Out of Pocket
• Drink the Kool-Aid
• Bio Break
• Blue Sky Training
• Tiger Team
• Idea Shower or Thought Shower
• Moving the Goal Post
• Drill Down
• Gain Traction

If you’re like us, chances are you’ve heard a few of these jargon phrases in your workplace. Heck, you may have even found yourself using a few of them. Your workplace may even have some specific jargon only used in your organization. Take a minute and think through all of the jargon you hear on an average day.

Colloquialisms

Colloquialisms are the use of informal words in communication.²³ Colloquialism varies from region to region. Examples might be “wanna” instead of “want to” or “gonna” instead of “going to.” It shows us how a society uses language in their everyday lives. Here’s a short list of some common colloquialisms you may have used yourself:

• Bamboozle – to deceive
• Be blue – to be sad
• Beat around the bush – to avoid a specific topic
• Buzz off – go away
• Fell through the cracks – to be neglected
• Go bananas, or go nuts – go insane or be very angry
• Gobsmacked – shocked
• Gonna – going to
• Hit a writer’s block – unable to write
• Hit the hay – to go to sleep
• Pop into my head – to have a new thought
• Sticktoitiveness – to be persistent
• Threw me for a loop – to be surprised
• Throw someone under the bus – to throw the blame on another person
• Wanna – want to
• Y’all – you all
• Yinz – you all

Slang

Slang refers to words that are employed by certain groups, such as young adults and teens.²⁴ Slang is more common when speaking to others rather than written. Slang is often used with people who are similar and have experience with each other. Here is a list of some common slang terms you may use in your day-to-day life:

• BAE (baby / before all else)
• On Fleek (looking perfect)
• Bye Felica (saying goodbye to someone you don’t like)
• The Tea (gossip)
• Bro (typically a male friend)
• Cash (money)
• Cheesy (cheap or tacky)
• Ship (wanting people to be in a relationship, whether real or fictional)
• Frenemy (someone who is both a friend and an enemy)
• Thirsty (being overly eager or desperate)
• Throw Shade (to insult another person)
• Woke (being acutely aware of social injustice within society)

How many of these slang words do you use? What other slang words do you find yourself using? When it comes to slang, it’s important to understand that this list is constantly evolving. What is common slang today could be completely passé tomorrow. What’s common slang in the United States is not universal in English speaking countries.

Idioms

Idioms are expressions or figures of speech whose meaning cannot be understood by looking at the individual words and interpreting them literally.²⁵ Idioms can help amplify messages. Idioms can be used to provide artistic expression. For instance, “knowledge is power!”

Idioms can be hard to grasp for non-native speakers. As such, many instructors in the English as a Second Language world spend a good deal of time trying to explain idioms to non-native speakers. Table 4.2 presents a wide array of different idioms.

Reused here from Kifissia under a Creative Commons Attribution License. https://tinyurl.com/rtxklo5
IDIOM	MEANING/SENTENCE
ish	About. I’ll meet you at 4ish.
a basket case	A wreck. He was a basket case after he was thrown off the basketball team.
a breath of fresh air	Refreshing/fun. She’s a breath of fresh air.
a change of heart	Change my mind. I’ve had a change of heart.
a blessing in disguise	Something bad that turns out good. Losing his job turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
a dead end	That’s a dead end job–time to find a new one.
a gut feeling	Feeling in my stomach. I have a gut feeling that everything is going to turn out all right.
a matter of opinion	It’s a matter of opinion whether eating fried tarantulas is a gourmet treat.
a piece of cake	That test was a snap–it was a piece of cake. (easy).
a ripoff	You spent $500 for a watermelon! What a ripoff! You were cheated.
a pain in the neck	A pest. His little brother is a real pain in the neck.
be in hot water	Be in trouble. If you tell your boss off, you’ll really be in hot water.
in the same boat	We’re in the same situation. We’re all in the same boat–so be cool.
on the same wavelength	We have the same ideas and opinions. We’re on the same wavelength.
be on the ball	Very sharp. Very smart. He’s really on the ball.
it’s only a matter of time	Very soon. It’s only a matter of time until his boss realizes that he is the one stealing money from the till.
be that as it may	As things stand. Be that as it may, I think you should reconsider your decision to move to Antarctica.
up in arms	Really angry. His father was up in arms when he learned that he had crashed his new car.
up in the air	Not sure. Plans are up in the air–we haven’t decided what to do yet.
bend over backwards	Go out of your way. She really bent over backwards to make my stay enjoyable.
Big deal!	Not important (sarcastic). Losing an old sock is not a big deal.
cost an arm and a leg	Very expensive. His new Ferrari cost an arm and a leg.
cross your fingers	For good luck. Cross your fingers that I pass the English exam with flying colors.
draw a blank	I can’t remember. I drew a blank when I tried to remember his brother’s name.
Easier said than done	More difficult than it seems.
Am fed up with	Sick and tired of something. I’m fed up with whining friends who have everything!
from scratch	Make from basic ingredients. Her carrot cake was made from scratch.
for the time being	For now. For the time being, everything is fine at work.
get cold feet	Feel too scared to do something. John wanted to ask Maria out but he got cold feet and decided not to.
get out of the wrong side of the bed	In a bad mood. He must have gotten up out of the wrong side of the bed today.
get the picture	Understand. Do you get the picture?
get your act together	Get organized/stop wasting time. You better get your act together or you’re going to fail all your classes.
give it a shot	Try. Why not try bungee jumping. Give it a shot.
give him a piece of your mind	Get angry and tell someone off. If I were you I would give him a piece of your mind.
give him the cold shoulder	Ignore someone. Brett walked right past me without saying a word. He gave me the cold shoulder.
go all out	Do your utmost for someone or something. His parents went all out for his graduation party.
go downhill	Get worse. After he got divorced, everything went downhill.
go up in smoke	Evaporate/disappear. His dreams of being a professional athlete went up in smoke when he broke his leg.
have a chip on your shoulder	I think you are great. He has such a chip on his shoulder that he hardly ever relates to anyone.
had it up to here	Can’t take any more. I’ve had it up to here with noisy students!
mixed feelings	Positive and negative feelings together. I have very mixed feelings about her marrying a fisherman.
second thoughts	Thinking again about a decision. I’m having second thoughts about trekking in Greenland this summer.
throw a fit	Get really angry. His mother threw a fit when she heard that he lost her iPhone.
I’m all ears	To listen intently. Tell me about your wedding plans–I’m all ears.
in the bag	Certain. His new job is in the bag. He signed the contract.
in the middle of nowhere	Way out in the country. Their ski chalet is in the middle of nowhere.
Just my luck!	Bad luck. Just my luck to lose the winning lottery ticket.
keep an eye on	Watch carefully. Will you keep an eye on my nephew while I walk the dog?
bear in mind	Keep it in mind. Bear in mind, learning a new language isn’t as easy as it seems.
learn by heart	Memorize. You have to learn irregular verbs by heart.
let the cat out of the bag	Spill the beans. Tell a secret. Don’t let the cat out of the bag. Keep his surprise birthday party a secret.
make my day	Make my day great. The guy I have a crush on finally called me. He made my day.
miss the point	Don’t understand the basic meaning. You are missing the point entirely.-.
no way	Impossible. You got all A’s on your exams and you never studied. No way!
don’t have a clue	I have no idea. I don’t have a clue what the professor was talking about.
don’t have the faintest idea	Don’t understand. I don’t have the faintest idea of what that article was talking about.
off the top of my head	Without thinking. Off the top of my head, I think it’s worth $6 million.
on the dot	Ontime. He arrived at 6 o’clock on the dot.
out of sight, out of mind	You forget someone you don’t see anymore.
out of the blue	Suddenly. Guess who called me out of the blue?
play it by ear	Make no plans–do things spontaneously. Let’s just play it by ear tonight and see what comes up.
pull someone’s leg	Kid someone. Stop pulling my leg. I know you are kidding!
red tape	Bureaucracy. It’s almost impossible to set up a business in Greece because there is so much red tape.
read between the lines	Understand what is not stated. If you read between the lines, you’ll realize that he is trying to dump you.
safe and sound	Fine. The Boy Scouts returned safe and sound from their camping adventure in Yellowstone National Park.
see eye to eye	Agree. He doesn’t see eye to eye with his parents at all.
sour grapes	Pretend to not want something that you are desperate for. It’s just sour grapes that he is criticizing George’s villa in Italy.
slipped my mind	Forgot. I meant to call you last night, but it slipped my mind.
small talk	Chitchat. It’s important to be able to make small talk when you meet new people for the first time.
talk shop	Talk about work. What a boring evening! Everyone talked shop- and they’re all dog walkers!
the icing on the cake	Something that makes a good thing great. And the icing on the cake was that the movie for which he earned $12 million, also won the Oscar for best picture.
the last straw	The thing that ruins everything. When my boss asked me to cancel my wedding to complete a project–I said that’s the last straw and I quit!
time flies	Time goes fast. Time flies when you are having fun.
you can say that again	You agree emphatically. Kanye West is a great singer. You can say that again!
you name it	Everything you can think of. This camp has every activity you can think it–like swimming, canoeing, basketball and you name it.
wouldn’t be caught dead	Not even dead would I do something. I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that dress to the ball.
she’s a doll	Someone really great. Thanks for helping me out. You’re a doll.
full of beans	Lively–usually for a child. Little children are usually full of beans.
full of baloney	Not true. She’s full of baloney–she doesn’t know what she is talking about.
like two peas in a pod	Very similar. His two brothers are like peas in a pod.
a piece of cake	Very easy. My math test was so easy–a real piece of cake.
sounds fishy	Suspicious. Doubling your money in an hour sounds fishy to me.
a frog in my throat	I can’t speak clearly. Ahem! Sorry I had a frog in my throat.
smell a rat	Something is suspicious. The policeman didn’t believe the witness–in fact, he smelled a rat.
go to the dogs	Go downhill. Everything is going to the dogs in our town since the new mayor took office.
cat got your tongue	Silent for no reason. What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?
for the birds	Awful. How was the new Batman movie? Oh, it was for the birds.
pay through the nose	Pay lots of money. They paid through the nose to hold their wedding at Buckingham Palace.
tongue in cheek	Being ironic. I meant that tongue in cheek. I was kidding.
all thumbs	Clumsy. He couldn’t put that simple table together–he’s just all thumbs.
get off my back	Leave me alone. Bug off! Get off my back!
drive me up a wall	Drive me crazy. Rude people drive me up a wall.
spill the beans	Tell a secret. Hey, don’t spill the beans. It’s a secret.
hit the ceiling	Blow up. His dad hit the ceiling when he saw his dreadful report card.
go fly a kite	Get lost! Oh, leave me alone! Go fly a kite!
dressed to kill	Dressed in fancy clothes. Cinderella was dressed to kill when she arrived at the ball.
in stitches	Laughing a lot. We were all in stitches when we heard the latest joke.
feel like a million dollars	Feel great. I just slept for 15 hours–I feel like a million dollars.
at the end of my rope	Can’t stand it anymore. The mother of four little children is at the end of her rope.
my head is killing me	Something hurts. My head is killing me–I should take an aspirin.
that’s out of the question	Impossible. Me? Stand up and sing and dance in front of the whole school–out of the question!
I’m beat	Very tired.
It’ll knock your socks off!	Thrills you. You’ll love this summer’s action movie. It’ll knock your socks off.
beats me	Don’t know. What’s the capital of Outer Mongolia? Beats me!
hands down	No comparison. Hands down Mykonos is the world’s most beautiful island.
goody-goody	Behaves perfectly. I can’t stand Matilda–she’s such a goody-goody and no fun at all.
pain in the neck	A big problem. Washing dishes is a pain in the neck.
like pulling teeth	Very difficult. Trying to get 2-year-olds to cooperate is like pulling teeth.
for crying out loud	Oh no! For crying out loud–let me finish this book–will you?
I’m at my wit’s end	I’m desperate. I’m at my wit’s end trying to deal with two impossible bosses.
like beating a dead horse	A waste of time. Trying to get my father to ever change his mind is like beating a dead horse.
out of this world	Fantastic! My vacation to Hawaii was out of this world!
cost an arm and a leg	Very expensive. A Rolls Royce costs an arm and a leg.
go figure	Try to guess why. Our English teacher gives us five tests a week and this week–no tests at all. Go figure.
in the nick of time	Just in time. The hero arrived in the nick of time to save the desperate damsel.
I’m up to my eyeballs in	Very busy. I’m up to my eyeballs in work this week.
I had a blast/a ball	A great time. I had a blast/ball at Sandy’s slumber party.
win-win situation	Both sides win. Selling their old stock of iPhones 10s was a win-win situation. They got rid of the useless phones, and we bought them really cheaply.
I’m swamped	Very busy. Let’s get together next week–this week I’m swamped.
It’s a steal	Fantastic bargain. Getting a new computer for $300 dollars is a steal.
the sticks	Way out in the country. Who would want to live in the sticks–what would you do for excitement?
break the ice	Start a conversation. Talking about the weather is a good way to break the ice when you meet someone new.
give me a break	Leave me alone! Come on! Give me a break! I’ve been working all day long- and I just want to play a little bit of Angry Birds….
like talking to the wall	A waste of time. Dealing with many teenagers is like talking to a wall–they won’t even respond to your questions.
see eye to eye	Agree. I hardly ever see eye to eye with my parents.
It’s about time	It’s time. It’s about time you started your homework–it’s midnight!
pays peanuts	Pays hardly anything. This job pays peanuts–$1 an hour!.
sleep like a log	Sleep soundly. Last night I slept like a log and didn’t hear the thunderstorm at all.
ace	Do great. I aced the math test. I got 100%.
easy as pie	Super easy. The English test was as easy as pie.
blabbermouth	Someone who tells secrets. Don’t tell Sophie your secrets or the whole town will know them.
don’t bug me	Don’t bother me. Don’t bug me–I’m busy.
by the skin of my teeth	Barely manage something. I passed the geography test by the skin of my teeth.
can’t make head nor tail of	I can’t understand. I can’t make head nor tail of this math chapter.
cool as a cucumber	Very calm. The policeman was cool as a cucumber when he persuaded the man not to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.

Table 4.2 Common Idioms

Clichés

Cliché is an idea or expression that has been so overused that it has lost its original meaning.²⁶ Clichés are common and can often be heard. For instance, “light as a feather” or “happily ever after” are common clichés. They are important because they express ideas and thoughts that are popular in everyday use. They are prevalent in advertisements, television, and literature.

Improper Language

Improper language is not proper, correct, or applicable in certain situations.²⁷ There are two different types of improper language: vulgarity and cursing. First, vulgarity includes language that is offensive or lacks good taste. Often, vulgar is lewd or obscene. Second, cursing is language that includes evil, doom, misfortune on a person or group. It can also include curse or profane words. People might differ in their perceptions about improper language.

Biased Language

Biased language is language that shows preference in favor of or against a certain point-of-view, shows prejudice, or is demeaning to others.²⁸ Bias in language is uneven or unbalanced. Examples of this may include “mankind” as opposed to “humanity.”

Avoid	Consider Using
Black Attorney	Attorney
Businessman	Businessperson, Business Owner, Executive, Leader, Manager, etc.
Chairman	Chair or Chairperson
Cleaning Lady / Maid	Cleaner, Cleaning Person, Housecleaner, Housekeeper, Maintenance Worker, Office Cleaner, etc.
Male Nurse	Nurse
Male Flight Attendant or Stewardess	Flight Attendant
Female Doctor	Physician or Doctor
Manpower	Personnel or Staff
Congressman	Legislator, Member of Congress, or Member of the House of Representatives
Postman	Postal Employee or Letter carrier
Forefather	Ancestor
Policeman	Police Officer / Law Enforcement Officer
Fireman	Firefighter
Disabled	People with Disabilities
Schizophrenic	Person Diagnosed with Schizophrenia
Homosexual	Lesbians, Gay Men, Bisexual Men or Women

Table 4.3 Biased Language

One specific type of biased language is called spin, or the manipulation of language to achieve the most positive interpretation of words, to gain political advantage, or to deceive others. In essence, people utilizing spin can make language choices that frame themselves or their clients in a positive way.

Ambiguous Language

Ambiguous language is language that can have various meanings. Google Jay Leno’s headlines videos. Sometimes he uses advertisements that are very abstract. For instance, there is a restaurant ad that says, “People are our best ingredient!” What comes to mind when you hear that? Are they actually using people in their food? Or do they mean their customer service is what makes their restaurant notable? When we are trying to communicate with others, it is important that we are clear in our language. We need others to know exactly what we mean and not imply meaning. That is why you need to make sure that you don’t use ambiguous language.

Euphemisms

Euphemisms also make language unclear. People use euphemisms as a means of saying something more politely or less bluntly. For instance, instead of telling your parents/guardians that you failed a test, you might say that you did sub-optimal. People use euphemisms because it sounds better, and it seems like a better way to express how they feel. People use euphemisms all the time. For instance, instead of saying this person died, they might say the person passed away. Instead of saying that someone farted, you might say someone passed gas.

Relative Language

Relative language depends on the person communicating. People’s backgrounds vary. Hence, their perspectives will vary. I know a college professor that complains about her salary. However, other college professors would love to have a salary like hers. In other words, our language is based on our perception of our experiences. For instance, if someone asked you what would be your ideal salary, would it be based on your previous salary? Your parents? Your friends? Language is relative because of that reason. If I said, “Let’s go eat at an expensive restaurant,” what would be expensive for you? For some person, it would be $50, for another, $20, for someone else it might be $10, and yet there might be someone who would say $5 is expensive!

Static Evaluation

Often times, we think that people and things do not change, but they do change. If you ever watch afternoon talk shows, you might see people who go through amazing transformations, perhaps through weight loss, a makeover, or surgery or some sort. These people changed. Static evaluation states that things are not constant. Things vary over time, and our language should be representative of that change. For instance, Max is bad. It is important to note that Max might be bad at one time or may have displayed bad behavior, but it may not represent how Max will be in the future.

Mindfulness Activity

For the entire day, we want you to take a minute to pause before you text or email someone. When we text or email someone, we typically just put our thoughts together in a quick fashion. Take a second to decide how you plan to use your words. Think about which words would be best to get our message across effectively. After you have typed your message, take another few minutes to reread the message. Be mindful of how others might interpret your message. Would they read it at face value, or would they misinterpret the message because there is a lack of nonverbal messages? Do you need to add emojis or GIFS to change how the message is conveyed?

Researchers have found that when college students can address their emotions and are mindful of their feelings, it can enhance written communication with others.²⁹ After doing this activity, try to be more mindful of the things that you send to other people.

4.5 Improving Verbal Communication

In this chapter, you have learned the importance of language. In this last section, we will discuss ways to improve your verbal communication skills. To be a great interpersonal communicator, it is extremely important that you also know how to use language in the most effective way.

Improving Language Skills

From an early age, you probably had words that you used most frequently because you were familiar with those words. As you get older and become more educated, your vocabulary has probably expanded to help you become more successful. Language is used to help express our feelings, intentions, and comprehension of others.³⁰ An extensive vocabulary is a keen predictor of someone’s social status, education, and profession. Whether you like it or not, the words we use and the grammatical structure of how we use those words can impact our standing in school, work, and society. Here are some tips to help you improve your vocabulary.

Use Repetition

First, be sure to use repetition. To become familiar with a word, you need to see it over and over again. Besides, you need to use it in conversations over and over again. The more times you repeat the word, the more likely you will memorize it, and it will become part of your daily repertoire.

Group Similar Words Together

Second, group similar words together. You should never learn vocabulary by looking at a list of words. Think of words as different pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. It doesn’t make sense to look at each piece of the puzzle individually. Rather, you need to fit them together to see the whole picture. The same thing should occur with words. You should memorize words that have similarities in some way. For instance, create a vocabulary around a theme, such as music, or an adjective, such as beautiful.

Build Your Vocabulary

Third, it is essential to make vocabulary that is personal to you. Vocabulary can be defined as all the words understood by a person or group of people. As early as four months, a baby can start to distinguish between language sounds and other sounds. According to David Crystal, language acquisition happens quite rapidly:

• By age 2, people can recognize and speak 200 words.
• By age 3, people can recognize and speak about 2000 words.
• By age 5, people can recognize and speak about 4,000 words.³¹

That means your average infant to toddler is learning three to four new words every day. Infants are hardwired to learn a language. If you want to ensure your child can speak multiple languages, it’s best to expose them to multiple languages during this crucial developmental cycle. Even though we start as infants, we continue to improve our vocabularies right through middle age:

• Most adult native test-takers range from 20,000–35,000 words
• Average native test-takers of age 8 already know 10,000 words
• Average native test-takers of age 4 already know 5,000 words
• Adult native test-takers learn almost 1 new word a day until middle age
• Adult test-taker vocabulary growth basically stops at middle age³²

As you can see, most native English-speaking adults have fairly substantial vocabularies, but we do see a drop in new language acquisition as people enter into their middle age. As such, it’s important to keep learning.

One way to keep learning is to find words that have meaning for you. If you have ever heard a story about survival from someone who has gone through something life-changing, they probably used words that touched you and helped you to connect to the story. In the same fashion, you should find words that can relate to your story. When we find words that have personal meaning to us, we can use those words more effectively in our own vocabulary. Here are some essential tips for building your vocabulary:

1. Keep a journal of words you don’t know.
2. If you don’t know a word, look it up in a dictionary.
3. Learn to recognize both Latin and Greek roots of words.
4. Play vocabulary games (e.g., anagrams, Boggle, crossword puzzles, scrabble, etc.).
5. Make synonym and antonym word lists.
6. Take a writing and/or editing course.

Read

Lastly, you should read regularly. It doesn’t matter what you read. As long as you are reading, you will probably come across words that you are unfamiliar with. When you do come across a word you don’t know, take the time to look it up. This practice is especially important when reading academic works because they are often full of ten-thousand-dollar words. Next time you read and run across a word that you don’t know, be sure to find the definition so that you can comprehend what is being said.

We would also recommend reading articles and books that stretch you. Don’t just read books that are at a lower level because they’re easy reading. College students should be reading beyond a junior high or middle-school reading level. Challenge yourself. In your future, your teachers or employers will be expecting strong communication skills. Developing good reading habits now will assist you in your personal and professional journeys both now and later.

Increase Your Awareness and Adaptation of Language

After learning to improve your vocabulary, it’s also important to increase language awareness and adaptation. When we talk about language awareness, we are referring to a person’s ability to be mindful and sensitive to all functions and forms of language.³³ For our purposes, we define language adaptation as the ability to alter one’s linguistic choices in a communicatively competent manner. As such, it’s not just about being aware of language that leads to effective interpersonal interactions, but our ability to adapt our linguistic choices with different people to maximize the effectiveness of our interpersonal communication.

There are a couple of ways that people can increase their language awareness and adaptation. The first way is to engage in meaningful interpersonal communication with someone different from you. This person can be from a different country or different region of the country from you. When you speak to someone very different from you, you might notice how they use language differently or how they prefer certain words over others.

Another way might be to watch a foreign film. Check out different international films that have been nominated for an Academy Award. Most of them will be dubbed in English or have English subtitles. Pay attention to how the characters communicate with each other to create meaning. Does it give you an appreciation for how you speak?

Lastly, spend some time with a small child, preferably under the age of five. Pay attention to how the child communicates with you versus others (e.g., their friends, parents/guardians, siblings). Children under five are still acquiring words and learning to talk. When you communicate with someone who has a very limited vocabulary, it might help you see how you can adapt your language so that they will understand you.

Check for Understanding

As a speaker, you want to know that the receiver of your message understood what you said. This concept is also known as checking for understanding or verifying what has been said is also understood.³⁴ Even if a person is smiling and nodding at you when you talk, it does not necessarily mean that they are paying attention to everything. They might be trying to be polite and/or friendly. The best way to check for understanding is to use the acronym: TAP. Think of communication like a tap dance; if you don’t hear any tapping, would it really be a tap dance? The same thing can be applied to communication. Did you communicate if the other person didn’t understand you or get what you were trying to say?

First, the T in TAP means to talk first. In other words, you explicitly present all the content. As you are talking, you are also trying to make sure that the other person is listening to you talk.

Second, the A in TAP stands for ask questions. After you talked to the person, try to ask specific questions. Rather than saying, “did you hear me?” or “were you listening, which are both yes/no questions, it would be more beneficial to ask, “what did I just say?” or “what did you hear me say?”

Third, the P in TAP means to be prepared to listen. Listen carefully to what the other person says. It is during this phase that you can see if they understood your message. Was the message correct? What emotions are they displaying after you said the message and asked questions? If we don’t ask questions, then we can’t be sure that the message was received effectively.